Why can't we be friends with our children?

Parenting is not a friendship. These are two completely different types of relationships, and it's not just about the biological state. However, when we confuse them, we leave a void in a place our children badly need. we be friends with our children.

Why can't we be friends with our children? Many parents are still surprised by this fact. They are surprised when they hear that friendship with their young children or teenagers is neither good nor desirable. However, striving to become equal to children takes away their authority.

And it puts parents in a contradictory, uncomfortable and counterproductive situation. And this applies not only to parents, but also to children.

However, there are many fathers and mothers who pursue this goal. Moms want to be their daughters 'best friends, hoping to become their daughters' best friends. Fathers also want to be that versatile character who excels as the best playmate.

Or as a colleague with whom you can talk about everything and a character with whom you can joke about everything. It is all positive and enriching, of course, but¦ we cannot be friends with our children.

There are limits that cannot be exceeded. Parents cannot be on the same level as their children as this can weaken their authority. Thus, the moment of weakening status at the same time invalidates the force of the established rules.

Since there are no restrictions, the child may begin to think that everything is allowed. In a world where everyone is friends, there is no reason to follow the rules.

Why we cannot be friends with our children

On of the reasons for the increase in the number of narcissists in our society is the increase in symmetry in the relationship between parents and children.

If we ask ourselves why we should not be friends with our children, that is an important part of the answer.

Indeed, it is easy to lose authority in trying to approach children as a friend. The authority we'll need later to impose limits. Those that are so necessary because they serve as a reference point in their development.

Therefore, one must be able to create a relationship of close and cordial fatherhood or motherhood, but also be able to maintain authority, as it favors the development of the youngest. Let's see why.

The definition of friendship and the definition of being a father and a mother

Before we try to answer why we cannot be friends with our children, it is worth considering one aspect: definitions. Being friends with someone means maintaining a selfless emotional bond between two or more people.

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This relationship is also based on a sense of absolute equality in which no one controls the other.

On the other hand, being a father or mother means loving, raising, protecting, guiding and caring for someone younger. All roles are performed as an authority. Such care, in order to be appropriate and enriching, requires the application of a number of rules that ensure the child's safety.

Because they remind him all the time what is expected of him. So this explains why a person who tries to be only his children's best friend will be highly negligent.

Mental distress and parents behaving like friends

Something significant was discovered in a study by Doctors that there are divorced mothers who see their adolescent daughters as their best support, so much so that they want to be their best friends.

Consequently, such mothers leave their daughters with fears or concerns that do not concern them or are not appropriate for them.

For example, in this work, you could see that many mothers talked about their financial problems, ups and downs at work, or emotional problems with new partners. And the recipients of these problems were their adolescent daughters or pre-adolescents.

However, mothers - friends did not realize that it causes a great psychological torment in the girls.

It's a kind of intimacy in which children actually become "friends - trash cans" who can be covered with their fears and problems. Such a relationship is highly counterproductive. After all, our task is to reduce the suffering of children, not to increase it.

Trust in relationships with children yes, but not "everything is allowed"

When it comes to building a bond of trust with our children, not everything is allowed - in this case, the end does not justify the means.

There are intelligent strategies in these relationships that allow us to keep channels of communication open and close relationships without violating our right to set boundaries. This is the key to success.

• It is advisable to establish a bond of warmth, trust, absolute love and companionship, but without ceasing to set boundaries.
• The trust we build in relationships with our little ones should be focused on promoting responsibility, self-knowledge and emotional maturity in them. A child is not equal to us, it is a person who is under our care and whom we need to help to become someone mature and independent.
• Therefore, in this motivating bond, it is always advisable to keep certain things to yourself. A child does not have to endure the anxiety, fears, or emotional worries of his parents.

Why can't we be friends with our children? Because that's how we build an insecure attachment

If we are wondering why we cannot be friends with our children, there is another important reason. A good bond between parents and children is easier when both sides have a secure attachment style.

One where we make children see us as a point of reference capable of confirming their needs. Someone who runs them, who is always available and who looks for the best for them.

When we build a relationship on friendship, many of these elements are weakened. The child or teenager sees us as equals, someone who is in the same situation, someone who may feel the same insecurity and needs as he or she does.

All of this leads to an insecure attachment, a life of constant contradiction. It's like a prison without bars where you don't know how to navigate the world. Let's keep that in mind! Upbringing and educating a child requires that we take a position in which we will always be the best support for our little ones.