How can we help children cope with school stress

Although we are not able to change the educational system or the school itself or its people, we can accompany our children in such a way that they grow in the inner strength to overcome school challenges and have a healthy self-esteem. How can we help children cope with school stress.

In order to help your child cope with stress, it is important to:

1. Get over the constant expectations of your baby

The school has quite high demands on its students. Sometimes they are adjusted to their predispositions, more often they go beyond their cognitive, physical and emotional abilities. It is worth remembering about this and not adding tension to the child. It is obvious that every parent would like their child to develop comprehensively, acquire the knowledge necessary to understand the world and achieve the set educational and professional goals. However, it is worth remembering that the pressure of constant expectations does not support the child, but rather depresses them in the long term, while contributing to further difficulties, e.g. in learning and remembering.

Some parents constantly expect the child to be enthusiastic about spending long hours studying and doing homework, bringing good grades and praise for their behavior, winning competitions and subject contests, participating in interest clubs, etc. They can have a completely unexpected effect - the child will eventually fail to withstand the pressure, and his nervous and immune systems will stop working harmoniously. Hence, it is close to health problems, difficulties with behavior, emotions and serious problems in relations with us (and others).

The task of us as adults is to answer the question of whether the child should be good or (worse) the best at everything, or whether he has time now to find his passions and go in their direction. We can give him space to actually get to know himself and the world outside of school and support them by getting rid of unhealthy expectations.

Instead:

• "How was school?"
• "Sit down to study!"
• "Stop lazy!"
• "Do your homework immediately!"
• "Where did these two of math come from?"

It's worth saying:

• "How are you today, baby?"
• "What nice / difficult happened to you today?"
• "What are you up to now?"
• "Will we go for a walk together?"
• œCome on, show me what you've been assigned. / Do you understand this material? Maybe I can help somehow? "

2. Stop blaming your child (and others) for failures

When something bad happens at school, the child has difficulty communicating with other adults or friends, is unable to master the material or does not like the subject, parents blame either the child or the teacher for it. There is no good in looking for the guilty ones. When we constantly make a child feel guilty, we are not helping them cope with the difficulties they are experiencing, but rather we are quite effective in increasing their stress level and lowering their motivation to learn and their self-esteem. When we accuse our teachers in anger and infirmity, we teach our children that judging others and speaking badly about them or coming into conflict is the only way to deal with adversity. And it really is not.

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Instead of blaming the child and others, it is worth considering solutions that will support the young person in what is difficult for him. It is also worth trying to establish a thread of understanding with kind teachers, a school pedagogue or his tutor.

An important task of a parent is to find the source of the child's behavior and difficulties and to provide him with professional help. When a young person feels that adults are genuinely interested in him and want to help him, he will gradually regain peace, inner balance and willingness to act.

3. Talk calmly and patiently with your baby

In today's adult world, it is difficult to stop and calmly and carefully listen to a child. Talk to him; ask about his well-being, needs and emotions. However, parental attention is needed for the child to feel balanced and supportive. So let's find at least a few moments a day to actually stay together. Being sensitive to what the child experiences in and out of school and what is happening in the world of their feelings is the key to a good relationship and friendly contact. It is also the basis for a secure bond with the child for life.

Empathy towards the child allows him to understand and soothe his tensions. Talk about them honestly and notice that they are a natural part of everyone's life, that you are not alone in them. That you can and can deal with them. Children don't learn this in school. They rarely learn how to regulate emotions, what they are and what they result from. If the children don't find out from us, they probably won't be taught it by anyone else. After all, it is the daily difficulties and the emotions associated with them that define the quality of their lives. Today and in the future. As parents, we can make it a space for good and conscious experience.

4. Train mindfulness and concentration

To support children in regaining their inner balance, the ability to calm down and stop, it is worth practicing these skills on a daily basis. Their training can take place at home in all conditions and be led by any adult. You do not need to have special powers or abilities to do so.

At the beginning, it is worth putting away all distractions (child and adult) and focus only on being with the child. You can start the exercises by listening to the sounds. We close our eyes together for two minutes and listen to the sounds coming from outside, then describe what we heard and tell each other about the feelings evoked in us by the subsequent sounds. Another valuable practice can be breathing training. We lie down with the child on the floor on their backs, and put, for example, mascots on their bellies. We watch the mascots go up and down for a few minutes. Then we talk about what thoughts and feelings appeared in us and what they caused in the body. We can also observe other sensations in the body. We run or jump together for a few moments, then sit on the floor, put our hands on our chest and see how fast our hearts beat, we observe our breathing and other sensations in the body. Together, we can focus on the feeling of taste, smell and touch. It is worth asking the child to close their eyes and guess other objects, textures, smells and flavors, e.g. the smell of vanilla, lemon or cinnamon; texture and shape of a pear or banana, orange flavor etc.

5. Accept the child as he is

Acceptance of the child, his temperament, feelings, emotions, needs, possibilities and choices is the basis for supporting him in all everyday difficulties. It consists in accepting that the child has the right to be himself in every area of ‹‹his experience. Acceptance is the ability to tell a child, "I love you as you are." (No matter what your grades and behavior marks, how did your history test, what do you like and what is difficult for you. No matter how angry you acted towards me or your siblings. Of course, I do not accept breaking boundaries. mine or others, but I am a conscious adult and I know that I must teach you to skillfully express your emotions and feelings and communicate with others. So I always love you unconditionally and support you in the hardships of everyday life. teach from me). Here's what our children need. Unconditional acceptance and love that waits for nothing, it just is. A support and a shield for life!

It is worth remembering that supporting the emotional development of a child is the basis of its overall development. This means that when we as parents help our child cope with stress, we support them not only in this narrow area of ‹‹everyday experiences. Their social and cognitive flourishing, which is everything that defines their lives now and in the future, depends on the emotional abilities and strength of the psyche of our children. If, as parents, we want them to be fulfilled (completely regardless of the quality of the school and the education system), we can strive for it today in small steps.