10 Mistakes Made by Good Parents, You become a parent by what you do. “You don’t have to be the perfect parent, but it’s important to keep drawing the right conclusions. One of the mistakes that should make every parent think is expecting the child to do what the parent says, not what he or she shows with his behavior. Your child is imitating you – what to do when you make a mistake.
The child imitates
Being with my four-year-old grandchildren, I often think how wonderful it would be if, as a young mother, I had the educational awareness I have now – when I am approaching sixty, I have pedagogical and coaching studies behind me, many years of working with students at various educational levels and years of cooperation with teachers. I listen to how my grandchildren use the notions they have just heard, I watch how they perform suspicious activities in their parents or grandparents, I smile when they take on the role of a mentor,
I am touched by protective gestures towards each other or the adults around me. And I keep discovering their world.
This is accompanied by constant disbelief. How can children know what is right and what is wrong? The abstraction level of these concepts is very high. How are they supposed to get the idea of what norms are in force in society? How are they to learn all the behaviors that we adults consider necessary … We say to the child: be polite! What does it mean to be polite?
Our kids are curious about the world, they ask a lot of questions, sometimes they embarrass us with their honesty. Recently my grandson asked a neighbor: Why do you only have two teeth? I was so surprised that I was speechless, not knowing how to react. However, the neighbor surprised me by answering: You see, they are already used up, I have to go to the dentist for new ones. For the four-year-old, it was a satisfactory answer, he did not take up the topic. Was he rude? Why did me and my relatives who sat nearby heard this conversation feel embarrassed? After all, this is just one of many phenomena that need to be assimilated, understood, grasped, and added to those that have already been tamed.
The child generalizes
The time of early childhood passes quickly, and then comes a generalization. Principles, norms, and ways of reacting observed in parents and relatives must be applied in kindergarten, and then at school. Here, there is often a clash with other children, as well as with teachers who sometimes expect different behaviors than those learned at home. Generalization takes the form of verifying what is home, family, and what is general, school … The more differences, the greater the problem for the child. The more serious the discrepancy, the more serious the educational problem. How to reconcile different visions of the world?
You mustn’t swear … And you can Dad? You mustn’t lie. And adults are allowed? You have to obey the rules. And the speed limit too? You should discuss arguments, not shout and insult … We cross the road in the designated place … We perform our duties honestly … We do not gossip … We do not talk … and this … and more …
The child checks the boundaries
The world appears incoherent what the child hears and observes what else. Adult expectations and behavior are often divergent. That’s why the child checks, asks the following questions: Dad, is it true that your boss is a crook and a thief? What does a cheat mean? Mother, and the lady who lives under six, the one you said about her, the witch, she said that if …
He also checks at school: My Dad said that homework is a thing of the past! My mother said that I should not sit with Jade because she does not like her mother! Then what? I think you have to recognize this as your mistake. It’s true Son, I said so. I was tired and very nervous about the situation at work, I reacted emotionally, it shouldn’t have happened. Then take corrective action: I will talk to the homework meeting and I will also explain the matter with the math lady. And finally start a conversation on this topic: Tell me what it was like. You were probably sorry? You know, I’m ashamed now for saying that. In the future, if I am nervous and exhausted, I will ask you to go to my mother with the assignment, okay? Similarly with the second situation: It’s true that I said so. I don’t think that anymore today. Everyone makes mistakes. I will explain this situation at a meeting with your tutor. And the decision with whom you sit on the bench can be made by yourself. What will my child learn?
The child reads
The child should learn something extremely valuable: everyone makes mistakes, but the most important thing is what he will do with these mistakes. The ability to learn from mistakes is one of those competences that can determine your success in life. It is not a bug that hinders development, but persistence in it. If your child learns that a mistake is valuable information, it will be easier for them to achieve satisfaction and a sense of success. If a child sees a discrepancy between what an adult says and what he does, he begins to perceive his father, mother (another adult) as a hypocrite, and this leads to a loss of respect for that person.
You become a parent by what you do. Every day. If we give ourselves the right to make mistakes, we stop trying to be a perfect parent beyond measure, our children will not only gain a great example of life, but will also receive invaluable help in building a coherent picture of the world. And for us parents, this will protect us from undue pressure to be the perfect caregiver. It will also allow you to accept yourself and build a healthy relationship with your child.