The ambitions of a child or a parent?

I remember an anecdote from the 1970s about how the father took his young son to the marketplace and bought him a windbreaker there. The boy pleaded with a tearful voice: Dad, I don't want a shotgun! And Dad definitely replied: You will have a shotgun because I always wanted to have a shotgun and I didn't have one, you will have it! Do you associate this story with anything? Do you support your child's ambitions or are you guided by your ideas about his future? The ambitions of a child or a parent.

Parents' dreams and ambitions

Every parent wants good for their child, dreams of their safe future, success, and happiness. And good! It should be. The trouble arises when we stop at a detailed vision of this happiness, because it may turn out that our plan and our child's plan for his future completely diverge.

I remember the conversations of my parents (a generation whose youth were during the war and difficult artical-war years), who themselves were deprived of the opportunity to study and study. They saw our (children) happiness in books, knowledge, and science. It could be different with money, but every month a new book appeared in the house. We went on all trips from school (and there were four of us). At home, there was always a place (and refreshments) for colleagues with whom we discussed, set up a music band, organized tourist, cultural and scientific events. I also remember the conversations of my students' parents (1990s and the first decade of the 21st century), who saw a future for their children in industry or trade.

Today we can evaluate that perception of the future. We can also analyze the choices that have put us where we are today. Many of us have made life decisions against our parents - some are happy with it, others are not. This can have an impact on the way we raise our children. Some will say: Father was right, I am also right! Others: I objected and you see? You have to trust the elders. The more they have lived, the they know better. But is it really so?

Children's ambitions

Thinking about the future, seeing yourself in different roles in adult life is difficult. Many parents (teachers) also expect young people to constantly make efforts to ensure a better future for themselves, that they will not waste any time on unnecessary things, devoting themselves fully to the development and striving for success. A few-year-old dreams of becoming a firefighter or a policeman, many girls today dream of being just a princess, but the next day they want to be a doctor or a teacher. Then these dreams turn into aspirations of a different type: striving for physical fitness (sports of various kinds), technological (after all, the Internet and technologies are their natural environment!).

They want to be recognizable on social media and ... they dream about love, although not everyone admit it loudly. Few teenagers have specific plans for the future. Even among high school students entering the matura exam, a small group declares certainty about the choices of the future path of development. They submit applications for admission (simultaneously) to the Academy of Physical Education, the Theological Seminary, and to study law at a well-known university. Then they go through recruiting and finally choose something completely different, e.g. medical emergency. Some change directions several times. They are looking for their place on Earth and an area of ‹‹development that will provide them with a sense of happiness. And this is beautiful. The search is also an expression of their ambition: to decide about themselves and to shape their lives in their own way.

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How to support children's ambitions, not your own

We should allow our children to seek and support their development in the competencies of the future. If our child changes circles of interest every six months, enroll in various classes at a community center or other institutions, let us engage in discussions with him on this subject and support the search. Which do you like about this sport? What interesting happened at these meetings? The skills did you develop during these training sessions?

This shows the child that we take them seriously, we want to support them in developing their passions and interests, while respecting their needs. Of course, we can agree with the child that there are classes in which we see the possibility of acquiring universal skills that will help him in the future, no matter what he chooses. Then we agree with the young person that foreign language lessons are available all the time. He can change other activities as he wants, of course to a reasonable extent (not every week, but let's say every six months).

Let the child live his life and support him in developing emotional and social intelligence, support the development of cooperation skills in virtual teams, encourage him to come up with concepts, theories, argue on various topics, practice critical thinking, information management with him, open the child to diversity challenges of the future. This is a huge challenge for parents. We should keep pace with such a rapidly changing reality and with our children, so that by allowing their self-determination for themselves, we should enjoy their happiness. Even if the area of ‹‹life in which they find this happiness is completely different from our imaginations.

What if I really care?

Of course, there is a chance that your child will fulfill your ambitions. At the moment when you infect with passion, discussions about a specific activity, suggest readings, films, you spread visions of possibilities ... but pushing in this direction, however, I would hold back. One grandmother once told me about her grandchildren, son, and daughter (twins) of doctors. Parents really wanted their children to become doctors. They could inherit their offices, adopt internships. They implemented the plan very consistently.

The young submitted themselves to the dictates of their parents. They worked very hard. Each year of study ended with maximum results. Medical studies passed with flying colors. And when it was time to specialize and stay in the hospital, my daughter left for a small town in the east of the country and stayed there.

Today she runs an ecological farm, she is fascinated with herbalism and alternative medicine. She doesn't practice, but she is happy. Even - years later - she has re-established contact with her parents, and they are slowly learning the art of acceptance. Although my son became a doctor, he chose to specialize in anesthesiology, he did not take over any of his parents' offices, he works in one of the London hospitals. Is he happy? Parents have not had contact with him for years...

To sum up

We raise children for themselves and for the world. If they are happy, they will find the place in life where they want to be, then not only will we be successful in education. But we will give children a chance to live their lives in accordance with their needs and dreams. What if they are not happy? We will be close and we will support you in experiencing sometimes very difficult emotions. But children will always be sure that life is in their hands and that they can shape them the way they want and can. And I wish this to every parent!