We all have emotional scars, even if we try to hide them. It’s funny how the wounds that persist the most over time are not physical wounds. We care little about that scar on our knee from the day we fell off our bicycle. It hurts more and for longer, that word from our mother or our father that sank into our hearts, forever.
These are the so-called emotional wounds, those subtle, invisible wounds that nevertheless leave a terrible punishment and that last forever in our adulthood. Discover what are the 8 emotional wounds that remain in your child when he grows up.
8 emotional wounds that leave scars in children
We try to be the best parents, there is no doubt about that. And each one tries in the best possible way. We all know that the best education of children must come through love. That we must not forget to establish a series of rules and limits and that, although it hurts us, we must use No on many occasions in the face of many of our children’s requests.
But we all make mistakes, and in some cases, they are mistakes whose wound leaves a huge scar on our children. But since it is not seen, we are not really aware of it. Let’s try to avoid as much as possible all these emotional wounds to avoid as many future scars in our children:
1 – The humiliation
Every time you say to your child things like ‘Don’t be so clumsy!’ or ‘But look, you’re bad!’ you’re humiliating him. A child humiliated by his parents will grow up with a terrible wound in his self-esteem. If the people you love the most, who you trust, constantly reproach you for what you do not do well, your small mistakes, your inability to do certain things … or highlight any small defect you may have, you will be forever undermining the trust child in himself.
When he grows up, he will be terribly shy, feel inferior to others, or on the contrary, he will try to do the same thing that his parents did to him, constantly making others the focus of teasing, drawing attention through inappropriate behavior or trying ‘ camouflage ‘their low self-esteem under a false mask of arrogance and tyranny towards others.
2 – Absence of parents
There is no more bleak feeling for a child than feeling abandoned. When he feels that his parents are not there, he feels ‘abandoned’. This creates a void and a series of fears that he will have to fight for the rest of his life.
Many of the children who did not feel loved when they were little, who felt abandoned by their parents, spend their time, during their adulthood, seeking strong emotions, risky activities … while rejecting affection and physical contact. In addition, they will have trouble establishing stable relationships and lasting jobs or projects.
3 – Injustice
We know that justice is something that changes in children according to their age. Thus, while for a very young child as young as 3 years old, anything other than meeting his needs and desires is ‘unfair’, for a child of about 8 years old, it is much more unfair for him to receive a punishment for something he did or he did not and that his brother does not receive it for an evil that he considers ‘similar’. But, beyond those perceptions of children, there are fair or unfair facts.
For example, frequently giving gifts to one of the siblings and not the other, treating the children differently, having a preference for one of the children and making the rest notice … The feeling of injustice will make your child, When you grow up, try to be as rigid as possible with everyone – someone authoritarian, terribly perfectionist, and demanding of yourself and others. Very little given to the sense of humor, he will be an adult above all, rational. You will have trouble channeling your emotions.
4 – The betrayal of his parents
For a child, the betrayal of his parents is without a doubt the most painful. Sometimes it happens to us, as parents, that we throw promises into the air, without giving it too much importance. Then we do not fulfill them. It will seem silly to us, but for children this will have a terrible consequence. For them it means that you cannot trust your parents, because they have let you down.
The promises are kept. If your child is constantly being let down by his parents, he will grow up feeling like he can’t trust anyone. For this reason, he will become a terribly controlling adult, who leaves absolutely nothing to the mercy of improvisation. Controlling and perfectionist, he will end up being very demanding of others. You will be unable to delegate responsibilities and of course, you will constantly flee from loneliness.
5 – Feeling rejected
Rejection, like humiliation, is a real drain on self-esteem. If a father constantly talks about his child as ‘a hindrance’, or makes him believe ‘that he is not the child he expected’, the child will end up believing that he really is a hindrance. When the child feels that his parents ‘don’t like him as he is’ for anything, he will feel rejected. As an adult, you will have great difficulty expressing your emotions. The constant fear of rejection will make you an adult incapable of establishing stable personal relationships. He will prefer solitude.
6 – Override children’s emotions
That ‘Don’t cry over nonsense’ or the ‘Nothing to get angry over ‘ do more harm to your child than you imagine. The rejection of emotions completely disrupts emotional intelligence in childhood. If you forbid the child to cry, feel anger or fear, you are canceling his basic emotions.
When he is older, he will be unable to manage his emotions because he did not learn to do it as a child, and he will appear as a cold and terribly rational adult, or on the contrary, by not being able to control his emotions, he may become an adult too impulsive, unable to control their moments of euphoria, panic or anger,
7 – Take away childhood
Some parents demand adult responsibilities from children. Those children who work at the age of 8, or those who must take care of their siblings while they are still children, children who are required to always get the best grades, who are punished if they are not able to get the best score in everything they do …
Feeling adult responsibilities or too great pressure from their parents makes them mature before their time and deprives them of a childhood that they will never get back. This generates a frustration that, already during adulthood, will turn into a lack of confidence in themselves and in some cases, is appointment with life.
8 – Lack of affection.
Very similar to the sense of absence from parents, when a child is not given enough affection, he experiences some delay in growth, both physically and emotionally. When he is older, he will have a lot of trouble relating to others, because he will be unable to show his emotions. The lack of affection of the parents nullifies in the child the feeling of affection towards others, of empathy and compassion.