How our relationship with our parents

Over time, painful childhood memories fade, but although we live with the impression that they belong to the past, in reality they contribute to the formation of certain behavioral patterns through which we self-sabotage, according to the clinical psychologist. Each of us hides an "invisible child", defined, in fact, by the painful memories, buried in the subconscious, during childhood, according to a senior clinical psychologist, depending on the family environment in which he grew up, any adult develops a series of behavioral patterns that dominate his entire life, many of which lead to self-sabotage. For example, a child crushed by a lack of emotional security turns, in adulthood, into a distrustful person, with a permanent fear that he will be abandoned or rejected. Also, a child whose parents did not pay enough attention to him during the formation, turns, in many cases, into an adult. How our relationship with our parents.

who pursues cold relationships, with emotionally unavailable people, but he thinks about himself that he does not deserve the love of others. . Restricting a child's independence makes him a dependent adult, completely helpless in relationships and not only, who always seeks the support of others. Along with the lack of autonomy, one loses one's self-esteem, which is essential in the life of a psychologically healthy adult, according to psychologist, the lack of this feeling giving rise to a strong feeling of incapacity.

In terms of freedom, children restricted by their parents run the risk of becoming perfectionist adults, while those to whom their parents have not imposed any limits, on the contrary, can turn into difficult, self-controlled adults. The key to overcoming these childhood sufferings is the technique of mindfulness, or conscious living, which translates, first of all, by recognizing the emotions we feel and then by accepting them. The psychologist explained, by personal example, how these negative childhood states, which come and shake our present and future, can be "tamed."

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He told us I brought up fear of being judged, but also the method by which he finally managed to overcome it. "After I spoke for the first time in front of some parenting experts, during a workshop, before the anxiety started, it was huge, and after I said the first few words, the blood gushed on my nose and my ears were ringing very loudly. My body reacted so intensely to a danger and a threat that was not real, but the fear that others would reject me for not being good enough was overwhelming for me, "says psychologist explaining that although that moment at discouraged, he chose to pursue his professional goal.

Our fears, therefore, have nothing to do with the positive or negative reactions we receive from others. Their existence announces the existence of a suffering called, in specialized terms, emotional subjugation. This is defined, in fact, by the dependence we feel on the opinions, criticisms or validation of other people. Originating from childhood, the appearance of emotional subjugation being motivated by the behaviors of parents before the age of two, this "disease" of the psyche is extremely harmful throughout a person's life, and not only, emotional wounds are passed down from generation to generation, and the suffering of parents is also a noteworthy detail. "We also have to think about our parents' injuries. What suffering did they have as children? Reality shows us that trauma travels through time, does not stop at a single generation, and the processing of our negative experiences is a proof of self-esteem and respect for our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Because what we do not heal are wounds that we leave to our descendants. We, by recognizing our emotions, through the mindfulness technique, we can put an end to this negative line ", said the specialist.