How can you better understand your own child?

We adults perceive reality differently from our children. This fact is often opposed and makes it difficult to understand the needs of the charges. However, our task is to support children in their own search, understand their needs and differences, and accept their individuality. How can this be done? The first step is to explore the mechanisms that determine this state of affairs. better understand your own child.

The human brain is one of the most complex systems we know. No wonder that knowing its structure is not easy. For some time now, the development of technology has given scientists working with this organ new possibilities. Until now, the function performed by any structure of the brain could be concluded basically only by observing the changes caused by its damage. For example, if a brain injury caused damage to a part of it, and a person who suffered it lost the ability to speak, it was considered that that part was responsible for this process in the brain. Currently, the technique allows to observe changes in the activity of the brain under the conditions of its normal work. This, of course, resulted in a significant acceleration in the development of brain sciences (neurosciences). Thanks to this, we learn more and more not only about the functions of individual areas, about their mutual relations and connections, but also about the changes that the brain undergoes during the life of each of us.

What makes us different...

It turns out that the brains of children, adolescents and their adult caregivers are systems that are significantly different from each other. Due to its size, the maturation of individual parts of the cerebral cortex is significantly delayed in humans. The cortex matures gradually, generally starting from the occipital part towards the frontal cortex, which part does not mature until after the age of 20. The cortex of the frontal lobes seems to be responsible for the most important functions for us, such as awareness, rational thinking, decision-making and conscious feeling of emotions. The fact that young people have these areas of the cortex not yet fully functional may shed light on the problems adults have in understanding their behavior and accepting their choices.

Teenagers' brains perceive and solve problems differently than adult brains. They don't look for ready-made solutions, they don't trust (which is especially frustrating) our experience. Their brains are looking for their own paths, even if it means - from our point of view - a waste of energy.

Why is it like that? Well, the diversity of competences, ideas and solutions is a kind of investment of the population in the future. Ultimately, you never know what problems may arise. Given the speed with which the world is changing today, the only thing that is predictable about the future is that it is unpredictable. Thus, young people gain experience and create competences that can potentially be beneficial in the future. At this stage of development, their brains are geared up to create this potentially necessary diversity.

The ideas and competences of a mature person have already been verified by experience. We have repeatedly checked their value and we have gained relative certainty that in the environment in which we live, such and not other patterns of behavior turn out to be effective. When a problem arises, an adult looks for such a pattern in the memory, modifies it if necessary and uses it, most often with good results. Most of these proven methods have considerable value, so we want to pass them on to our pupils. Our brains function efficiently in a familiar and tame environment. We want these models to be adopted by young people whom we are to implement. The problem is that their brains are not very good at it at this stage of development.

The search for new solutions, interests and risky behavioral strategies on the one hand, and the desire to consolidate known and proven solutions, on the other hand, cause constant tension, which often bothers us so much. So sometimes it is worth looking at them from a slightly different, adaptive perspective.

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Our evolutionary past has equipped us with brains designed to absorb (remember, but also forget) information. They are plastic and constantly change the configuration, strength and quality of the routes on which information is conveyed in them. The memory trail is not a product of a single moment, as we may sometimes think. It is not that we absorb some information and then carry it unchanged, remember it or forget it. On the contrary - although the appearance of such stimulation is relatively sudden, the processes leading to its consolidation often take years. The persistence of these pathways depends on a great many variables, and their specific content can change significantly over time.

What is the goal

All these phenomena basically have one goal. It is to create a mind with the most diverse possibilities, a unique and unique set of internal states, knowledge and skills of a unique character. For a human population composed of such unique individuals is much safer in the face of a volatile and unpredictable future than that composed of people with similar competences, points of view and desires.

Of course, a balance has to be found between the two. Tilting the balance towards mature, pattern-based adult brains brings stagnation, but uncritical experimentation and often risky searches lead to anarchy and the disintegration of social structures.

From the perspective of an adult parent, guardian or teacher, every child, every teenager is a potential part of a safe future. The need to create this diversity is inherent in the young brain - it is its natural inclination. Understanding this fact will not change it, but it can make the task a bit easier for us, parents, and give us one more reason to look for the infinite amounts of patience that is required to raise a teenager / child.

Support first of all!

The task of us, adults, is to support the child in his search, understand his needs and differences, accept his own preferences and the fact that they will change, and the decision making in their area will take longer, the more changeable the future will be.

As a father, I understand the irritation of a parent who hears with horror I DON'T KNOW when asked to a child before the secondary school-leaving exam about his or her further choices. However, in a changing world, an early decision to choose your path is only one possible. And it's really hard to say today if this is the safest road.

Anyway, the first step towards the open future of our children is everything that allows us to recognize their potential, individual predispositions, and the characteristics of the process of assimilating and processing information. For this, we need knowledge and awareness of the mechanisms and sources of their unique character.