Emperor or baby tyrant syndrome

Increasingly, we can see young children challenging, provoking, and deceiving their parents or other authorities. Worryingly, such attitudes seem to escalate to the point where children abuse their parents. This is a typical syndrome of the emperor, baby tyrant or king.

Both in my professional practice and in everyday life, I notice children beating their parents, insulting them, mocking them and the like, in order to satisfy their whims at a given moment.

What draws most attention is that the more œtyrannical a boy or girl behaves, the more effort the adults put in meeting their needs. An adult overwhelmed by his child's demands ultimately feels guilty for not fulfilling his child's wishes.

To get to know the exact characteristics of the emperor's syndrome, we will interpret the real situation that I witnessed almost a year ago during my vacation. Let's take a look at her.

Situation Description: The child king does not want to eat.

A family consisting of a father, mother and a child of about five years of age eats in a restaurant surrounded by a large number of people. The mother, almost sweaty, tries to feed her son, who knows exactly how to do it himself, but at this point he flatly refuses to do so.

The point is not that the boy does not want to eat, but that at this point he only wants to drink a glass of Coca-Cola that his mother ordered at the bar. The child does not let go of the glass at any cost. At this point, the mother thinks it's best to negotiate, so she says to the baby, "you can drink Coca-Cola as long as you eat the fillet."

The boy's offensive gestures and words intensify. Among other things, "I'm not going to eat this stuff just because you tell me to" or "I already told you that I won't eat it, don't you understand when I'm talking to you?" In the meantime, the father is only an indifferent viewer of the conflict.

Struggling with a glass of Coca-Cola, the mother finds no way to satisfy her child and gives up. The boy eventually drinks as much as he wants while mocking his mother and kicking her under the table.

At the end there is time for a reprimand from his mother, who of course will not be taken seriously by the boy: "You will see, today you have a barrier to the swimming pool". At this point, the little ruler already has the means to emerge triumphantly from the situation. In the upcoming ones, he already knows that it is enough to fight a little harder, like with a glass of Coca-Cola.

Features that characterize the emperor syndrome

In the situation described, we can identify some of the features of the emperor or "child-king" syndrome:

• An exaggerated perception of what is due to him. He does not ask, but demands; to the point where he doesn't feel satisfied with anything. When he gets what he wants, he wants more things.
• Low tolerance to frustration, boredom, or refusal to fulfill requests. In these cases, it responds with tantrums, anger, insults or violence against family and friends, regardless of whether it is a public place.
• It presents few strategies to deal with the problem on your own. He is used to being solved by others.
• His self-centeredness allows him to believe that the world revolves around him.
• He always finds excuses for his actions and blames others for them.
• I don't feel empathy. Therefore, he does not feel remorse when he yells, threatens, or uses physical violence.
• He argues with his parents about the rules and punishments he calls bad or unfair. He does this to his advantage because he knows that when his parents feel guilty they will step down and offer him more privileges.
• He has low self-esteem, but hides it under the mask of a tyrant.
• Most of the time, he is sad, offended, anxious, etc.

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Where does the emperor's syndrome come from?

As mentioned earlier, the emperor's syndrome is becoming more common. Why are we witnessing this phenomenon spreading? Besides the existence of a genetic predisposition, it seems that responsibility falls mainly on two factors: the indulgent style of parenting and the influence of today's society.

The lack of clear boundaries makes children mistakenly assume that they have the right to do what they want and when they want to. In this belief, they are not aware that the effects and rewards require prior effort or that others should be respected.

On the other hand, we cannot ignore the influence of the consumerist and individualistic society in which we live today; or the rigid workload of parents, which affects the time parents can spend with their children.

A child's health needs clear boundaries

After collecting the above-mentioned factors, we can conclude that young children get used to not putting values ‹‹on anything and putting their immediate wishes above all else. In this way, the parents also get frustrated. Whatever they do, their baby wants even more attention.

In order to raise children who are strong, healthy and emotionally intelligent, we must set clear boundaries from the very beginning. It is imperative that children experience a certain degree of frustration in order to understand that the world requires effort and respect for others.

The awareness that the world does not revolve around the child works to their advantage. Because if he has not experienced frustration, he becomes a child with a certain weakness. In the future, it will be difficult for him to face situations and solve problems, because he will discover that life is not suited to him and that not everything is happening as he likes it.