Why is it so difficult to motivate children? Many parents have a funny stereotype that children don’t want to do anything until you force them to. In fact, trying to get a child to do something is not very successful. Development of self-motivation skills in a child.
You can’t force her to do something just because you’re worried about it. Such attempts only reduce motivation. Worse, attempts to motivate it often escalate into power struggles. If you are more worried about your child’s grades than she is, it’s not normal.
If you still want to motivate your child to do something because they are worried about it, ask yourself, “What is the child’s responsibility here, and what is mine?” If she does not fulfill her responsibilities, the task of the parents is to call her to account and show how it works in reality. In the real world, if you don’t do your job, you won’t get paid. Show the child, what are the consequences of her choice. But don’t make it look like you’re punishing her. Consequences are not a means of motivating a child. By installing them, you are simply doing your parenting job. In fact, you can’t motivate a child to pay attention to something. You can only inspire and make a positive impact.
We often feel responsible for a child’s life achievements. But we understand that this is unrealistic. As a result, only the child is responsible for his choice. But because we think that the success of children depends on us, we enter someone else’s territory. We have always been taught that children need to be controlled, therefore, we interfere in their territory without hesitation. We believe that motivating a child is our parental responsibility, but as a result it only leads to confrontation. The child may obey you to lag behind her or to make you happy with her, but this does not motivate her. Again, we want to inspire and influence the child, not force it. But the whole point is how we do it.
Why can’t you motivate a child?
All children have different motivations. Some children are very smart, but they learn in threes and twos. Some soar in the clouds during lessons, despite the best efforts of teachers and parents. Some forget to do their homework, while others are not interested in anything at all, have no hobbies or hobbies. Some give up too quickly, not trying to cope. Such a child, despite all your efforts,
Will have low performance. If your child has other problems, make sure that he does not suffer from attention deficit disorder, depression, any addiction, etc.
If the child is not motivated enough, parents feel anxiety, frustration, even despair. And that’s where the problems begin. They arise because you forget the fact that it is impossible to make another person interested in something.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Doesn’t your anxiety make you picky, over-care, beg, or overwork your child?
- Doesn’t your anxiety make you scream, beg, punish the child, or drop your hands in despair?
- Aren’t you worried about arguing with your husband about what you think doesn’t motivate your child enough?
- Aren’t your fears pushing you to change your child, to make her more motivated?
If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, it is likely that you have faced resistance and rebellion from the child or the fulfillment of your conditions just to get rid of it. In such cases, you force her to do what is required of her, but it does not increase her motivation.
The child has no motivation for anything
If you are sure that your child has no behavioral or learning disorders, but she still doesn’t teach lessons, doesn’t do her homework, and you probably don’t set clear rules for her. In this case, you need to hold her accountable and establish the consequences that indicate her correct behavior.
Tell her that she will be able to play computer games after she has done her homework and done some work. Find out the real cause of her problems. If she can’t get up early in the morning, watch her sleep. If she doesn’t like doing any housework, talk to her, find out why, and see if you can replace it with another one.
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It is not necessary to go on a leash at the child, but it is necessary to think, with what work the child will cope more effectively. For example, a child does not like to wash dishes, but likes to help with cooking, because in the future he wants to become a chef. Given your child’s inclinations, you help her understand her interests. Do not impose your opinion on her. So she will learn to think for herself. At the same time, remind her of responsibility for the basic things she needs to do in life.
How to develop a child’s self-motivation
Method № 1. Do not try to motivate the child because of your anxiety
This will only lead to the fact that she will resist or comply with your request just to leave her alone. It does not develop the child’s motivation, but teaches him to resist or calm you down. The child responds to you instead of focusing on himself and finding inner motivation. Your worries and the actions that follow will only lead to a power struggle between you and the child.
Method № 2. Inspire
The only way to motivate a child is to stop trying to do so. Instead, try to inspire your child. How to do it? Give an example. Ask yourself: Do you inspire or control your typical behavior? Understand that when you exercise too much control, your child will choose another path. Think of someone who inspires you and follow his example. If you force your child’s motivation, he will be motivated only to resist you.
Method № 3. Allow the child to make a choice and see its consequences
If this choice is bad, show her the natural consequences of that choice. When a child does not teach lessons, the result may be that you take the computer out of their room. Tell her that if she doesn’t do her homework, she won’t be able to play computer games for a while. This will be the right motivation for her: you do not indicate what she needs to do, you do not read her notations. To properly motivate a child, just ask yourself, “What am I willing to put up with? What are my values and principles? ” Uphold these principles to the end.
Method № 4. Ask yourself the right questions
- What motivates my child?
- What does she really want?
- How to help her understand her interests?
- What are her goals and ambitions?
Look at the child as an individual. Watch her. Talk to her to find answers to these questions. Listen to her with respect, even if you do not agree with her words.
Method № 5. Choose your path
There are two ways. You can force your children to do the right thing: get up on time, go to school, teach lessons, be successful in life. Or inspire them to be self-motivated and to find their own interests, to work on them. You can teach children not only to do the right thing, but also to do the right thing.
Which way do you choose? If the first, then you need to push the child, ask, force, resort to all sorts of tricks. By choosing the second way, you will be able to achieve the goal by asking questions. For example, ask your child:
“Why did you decide to do your homework today and not yesterday? I noticed that yesterday you did not teach mathematics, but today you teach. Why?” Be a researcher, help the child to discover his own motives.
Method № 6. Understand that the child’s lack of motivation is not your fault
Lack of motivation in a child is not your fault, so do not take it at your own expense. By blaming yourself, you force the child to achieve more, and thus cause her resistance.
Look at the situation differently. If you approach the mirror too close, you will not see yourself – the reflection will be too blurred. But it is worth a little to move away from it, you see a clear reflection.
The same with the child. Sometimes we cannot see it apart from ourselves. Following the distance, we will be able to see in it an individual and understand what motivates her. After that, we will understand how to help the child better understand himself. At a distance, you can understand what is of interest to her, forcing her to move towards the goal. You will understand that some things she does not like, but she still has to do them. If a child refuses to perform his or her duties, the consequences must be established.
Your goal is to influence the child to take responsibility for his or her responsibilities and get to know him or her well enough to understand his or her own desires. Teach your child to identify what is important to them, what to do to achieve goals. It is the responsibility of parents to help their children develop self-motivation, not to do everything for them.