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Character and upbringing

Character and upbringing

If at a parent-teacher meeting teachers praise the child warmly, for some parents it is a cause for pride, while others feel uncomfortable. When educators do not seem to notice, some rejoice and others take offense. When they complain about it, some are desperate and others angry. To the teachers, to the child, to the whole educational system. That is why sometimes parents refuse to attend parent meetings, but this does not solve the problems that their child has at school. In the teacher-student-parent triangle, burying the head in the sand is the most wrong tactic. Character and upbringing.

Whose fault is it?

It is a public secret that teachers have pets among children. And this is completely normal – everyone has a different attitude towards others. Some we like more, others less. Some are nice to us, others – very unpleasant.

We tend to like more people who seem to reflect our own qualities, who share our views and values, who do things our way. And everyone is irritated by those who have traits that we ourselves do not have, but we really want to have or those that are inherent in us,

In principle, there is nothing wrong with this, the problem lies in the degree of these feelings, in their relevance and the ways of expressing them. But when it comes to the relationship between superior and subordinate, parent and child, teacher and students, such seemingly small things can acquire special ethical significance. It is not in vain that the term didactogeny * is used in scientific circles.

Serious psychological research confirms that teachers treat children much more diligently,

Disciplined, executive, moderately smart and moderately curious, selfless and compliant. The stubborn, violent, unique, atypical, etc., who stand out with something from the table, cannot boast of the love of educators or the famous individual approach.

The power of stereotypes cannot be ignored either. If the student studies well, he has more credit for the trust of the teachers than the one who is on the “black list” and to whom all real and imagined shortcomings and mistakes are attributed. To this list we can add other factors such as the appearance of the child, his ethnicity and others.

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Of course, it cannot be said that all teachers are very biased in their attitude towards students. Some of them sincerely strive to treat them with equal attention, respect, even love. The distribution of roles is more typical of people with an authoritarian style of communication. When they divide the class into “good” and “bad”, into “talented” and “incompetent”, into “leaders” and “outsiders”, they can manage much easier. “Divide and rule!” – Behind this motto usually hides a banal deficit of pedagogical skills and creative potential.

Again, scientific research confirms the role of the phenomenon of self-fulfilling prophecy – if the adult believes that he is facing an independent, responsible, smart child and shows him this, he will soon actually show these qualities. The “mistake” of the teacher in a positive direction, in combination with the democratic methods of teaching, gives wonderful results – his students show greater success both in school and in later life.

But what about parents whose children are not teachers’ favorites? True, this may be caused by the personal complexes of a particular teacher, his youth and inexperience, his inability to control the class or to vent his anger on the one who actually caused it, and many others. But every parent wants to protect their child from unfair treatment, as well as teach him how to protect himself and prevent trouble with superiors. After all, these are skills that he will need for a lifetime. And most of all, to successfully resolve the specific conflict.

What should we do?

If your child tells you about his troubles at school, that’s wonderful, then he trusts you. If he doesn’t tell, but you feel something is wrong, active listening techniques can help. Master them, because in skilled hands they work wonders.

The child should be able to express at home all the negative feelings that the school evokes in him, to express his thoughts aloud. If he thinks his teacher is stupid, let him call her “stupid” at home, let him let off steam so that he doesn’t have to say it in her eyes at school, with all the consequences that come with it.

Do not start immediately with the remarks: “See yourself first!” And “Teachers are not talked about like that!” We ourselves know very well that the big ones are not always right, smart or normal. Moreover, sometimes the adults themselves (including the teachers) talk about (and to) the children in a way that is completely unacceptable.

If there are such examples in your life, tell them. Also mention the feelings you had then. How do you see them from your current point of view? What helped or prevented the situation from being resolved constructively? Pass on your experience to the next generation if they need it.

But being a favorite of teachers is also risky for the immature child’s psyche. In primary school, popularity often depends on the goodwill of the teacher (usually girls). Children still treat each other the way adults decide. In junior high school and especially in high school the situation changes dramatically.

These traits, which educators like the most, often become a reason and an occasion for isolation from the teenage society. That’s why many children start playing double play, so as not to be against the current and in the role of outsiders.

In addition, the patronage of teachers imposes a lot of restrictions on the development of the child. In practice, it turns out to be protected from a bunch of small problems and difficulties that harden the character. In such a child there is a decrease in the ability to think critically and freedom of choice caused by the special attitude towards him. Is this what a parent wants for their child? Hardly.

Of course, it is very important how educators treat their students. But unfair treatment at school is not the end of the world. We have all heard of Einstein and Cézanne, who in their childhood were deprived of the recognition of their teachers. But if parents love and respect their child, if he has dreams and favorite pastimes, all school troubles will sooner or later dissipate like smoke.