A small child and his "big" emotions

Tips for parents that will help understand children's emotions and, accordingly, cope with them

Little children can feel and show their "big" emotions! Understanding how to better cope with children's emotions is the most important part of parenting. Children cry when they fall, when they are scared, when another child takes the swing, or when they are hungry, tired, frustrated with their next attempt at learning to ride a bike, or when they fight with siblings or friends. It doesn't matter what the cause of their worries is. If a child is upset, he is emotionally vulnerable, sensitive and defenceless, and we need to help him cope with his emotions.

There are many options: empathize or help change the attitude towards the situation (this will help her stay sane), focus on something positive or distract, or maybe even try to predict the child's reaction and try to avoid situations that can upset her.

Should we indulge children's upsets and outbursts of emotion? Many of us have grown up with the strict belief that adults should not pander to children's complaints, otherwise it will encourage children to become dependent, needy, and manipulative. Nowadays, there is an opposite opinion: children need to become independent and independent as early as possible; and you should start by not approaching a child who is crying - let him learn to calm down on his own. The choice, of course, is yours.

Children should behave like adults before they grow up. Very often, children are told to behave like adults, to be patient, not to complain and to take care of themselves. But does it help them learn to cope with complex emotions and problems? And how will it help teenagers cope with the depression of breaking up with their first love? Or if they are not accepted to the university they so wanted to enter?...

We want to help our children find more effective ways to solve life's big and small problems. Telling them to learn to tolerate or ignore their emotions will only teach them to hide, downplay, or dramatize their feelings. They will learn to hide them because when someone downplays their worries, it makes them feel wrong, which in turn makes them even more upset. Children dramatize their feelings, because they know that they have a good reason to be upset, because parents who interfere in children's problems, give a lot of advice and suggestions, do not provide them with the necessary support and do not allow them to find a solution to the problem themselves.

Listening heals. Many know from personal experience that when you are listened to, accepted and understood, it does not hurt so much. When we are understood, it is easier for us to understand the meaning of the problem. When adults and children feel heard and understood, they can calm down more easily and find the strength to solve problems. The more a child feels heard, the better he listens to his feelings and understands them.

Emotional intelligence. When we support children in expressing emotions and solving problems and show that we believe in their success, it helps them develop emotional intelligence and self-regulation skills. Emotional intelligence includes the ability to recognize emotions, identify and express one's feelings, as well as the ability to identify one's emotional needs and the needs of another person. A child who can identify and express his emotions and needs feels more confident in solving problems.

Such a child is unlikely to pour out emotions on others. Attempts to explain, demand, address, threaten or bribe an upset child can only worsen his condition. All this will in no way affect the resolution of problems and will not calm the child. But if you listen to her and sympathize, you can radically change her attitude to a problem or situation.

If children are not relieved of their emotions, they will show them in action.

An important element of upbringing is the speed of parents' reaction to the stressful state of the child. In order for the child's behaviour to be harmonious, there should not be a lot of accumulated regrets in his life, he should be free from them. When the child becomes uncontrollable or aggressive, think: œWhat is he feeling now, why is he behaving this way? What does she need now?".

When children accumulate a lot of stress and grief, they need our help to release these emotions and simply get rid of them. There are several natural and instinctive ways a child can do this: through talking, crying, through anger (if they are angry) and of course when the child is listened to and hugged. Another great way to get rid of stress, resentment, fears and tension is to show love and care to your child, as well as to have fun and laugh.

And what about tantrums? When a child has a tantrum, it means that he has reached an emotionally critical point, and he desperately needs to vent his strong emotions, and for this he needs the help of an adult. As a rule, at these moments, the "fight or flight" reaction is activated in children. Tantrums begin either because of an excess of emotions that the child could not cope with, or because of something insignificant that became the last straw, or because of something much bigger, perhaps because of an incompletely resolved problem or situation.

Tantrums are often not taken into account, considering them something characteristic of all babies. Unfortunately, many advise to ignore children's tantrums, because they consider them a manifestation of bad behaviour, and not a burst of emotional excitement. This attitude can lead to the fact that parents do not use the right opportunity to help their child cope with emotions that have a powerful effect on him. Sometimes, after carefully analysing the child's experiences, you can make sure that the onset of tantrums is triggered by some specific situation that happened a few days ago.

It is very important to understand that tantrums can also occur because of what is happening at the moment. At the subconscious level, the child returns to the unresolved situation, regardless of the period of its limitation. Very often, parents do not know the reason for their child's emotional disturbance, but one thing can be said for sure: such genuine and open expression of emotions shows that the child needs help and understanding.

Fortunately, children have an innate ability to express complex emotions. It's an emotional detox. The body works to cleanse itself of toxins that enter it or are formed inside. The same applies to emotions. In such a period of "detoxification", in order for the child to calm down, an adult should help her feel emotionally protected. It is important for the child to know and feel that he is cared for. Simple expressions such as "I understand", "I listen", "I care about you", "I love you" will help the baby feel emotionally protected, and he will be able to calm down by freely crying out his stress.

Children learn to listen and trust their feelings. All stress can help children learn to trust that by analysing their feelings and expressing them, they will feel better. At the same time, our answers, our words, our care should be directed to the fact that, developing the ability to cope with their emotions, children are sympathetic to themselves in a period of unrest. It takes more than one year for them to develop such skills, and, of course, the support of their parents.

"What does your heart feel?" - a very interesting question for children. It can teach them to listen to their emotions. When your child is upset, angry, or sad, it means they need your support to deal with their emotions. If the children do not make contact, are inconsiderate or aggressive, this indicates that you simply need more time to find an approach to the child and listen carefully to him.

Sometimes restraints can also be an emotional release, such as when we step in and stop children from throwing tantrums so they don't hurt themselves or hit others. A certain limitation will help them shift their attention from fighting to settling the situation. If you listen to and acknowledge their feelings of sadness, frustration, and anger, then your limits will help children vent and calm down more quickly.

Who will listen to your indignation? Many parents find it very difficult to sympathize with their children when they express their strong emotions. Many of them simply did not receive the necessary emotional support in childhood, so they act as their parents did. To break this vicious circle and become a strong support for our children, we must learn to control our own emotions.

"The relationships those are Friendly which depend on finding a reasonable balance between being able to monitor one's own emotions and at the same time see and understand the emotions of other people. They also depend on tolerate unpleasant emotions experienced by others. “ Sue Gerhardt Why Love Matters: How Attachment Relationships Shape the Child's Brain.

To help a child with his emotions, we must be aware of our own. When a child expresses his feelings of indignation, and parents feel their stress build up and become aware of the desired reaction, it is easier for them to understand their child. No matter how much you tell a tantrum-throwing kid to calm down, he won't be able to handle his emotions on his own.

He must be emotionally trained and set a positive example. The next time your child is worried, angry, nervous, or feeling insecure, remember that the child cannot think clearly at that moment. But if you support her emotional release through talking, tears, growling, playing or laughing, rest assured that you are also supporting the physical, spiritual and emotional health and well-being of your children, and they will surely learn to deal with their strong emotions over time.