Children from an early age are permanently in a learning process of thousands of topics, a very important one is the one that has to do with misbehaviors that are acceptable and those that are not. One of our most challenging tasks as parents consists, precisely, in setting these limits for them that they will continually try to cross. And there are some behaviors of children that parents should never tolerate, for their sake, for ours and for the people around us.
- How to deal with children‘s misbehavior
- Childhood behaviors that cannot be tolerated
- Displays of unacceptable or aggressive childish behavior
How to deal with children’s misbehavior
Sometimes some parents are a little softer for the same behavior that perhaps previously generated a strong reprimand depending on where they are or their mood at that time, thus giving the children a confusing message. It is important to always react in the same way to the same behaviors if we really want to make it clear to them that they are not acceptable under any circumstances.
Normally, we must frequently be marking our children those inappropriate behaviors in different ways, however, there are some behaviors in which we must be particularly consistent and not let them go under any circumstances, since they can become a real problem for them, for us as parents and for those around them.
If from the moment they begin to appear, we are firm and determine relevant consequences for them related to what happened, it will be much easier for them to avoid them as they grow up.
Childhood behaviors that cannot be tolerated
And what are those behaviors that are intolerable? These are six behaviors that parents should be most attentive to.
- Taking things that are not yours
Understanding that there are things that, although they may like a lot, do not belong to them and they cannot take them, it is essential because it has to do with understanding what respect, honesty and honesty are.
If we find our son with an object that is not his we must, in addition to talking with him, ask him to return it and make sure that he does it. This is not always easy, but it is the right thing to do and they should understand it this way.
- Making fun of those who are different
It is normal for the little ones to ask when they see another child different from them (due to a disability or something in their physical appearance that draws their attention), but what is not acceptable is that they point it out, make their astonishment known and above all that tease or make jokes about it.
Our job is to help them understand that in the end we are all equal and must be respected and accepted, develop in them sensitivity and empathy towards others, understand differences and appreciate them … Basically develop values that make them become human beings of good heart.
In this case, more than a consequence, it is necessary to model the inclusion and acceptance of those who are different from a very young age, making them see how bad they can make the other feel, as well as continuously looking for opportunities to live naturally with different people. Movies and stories can be a good way to work on the subject, too.
- Annoying others for no reason
Obviously, children continually fall into conflict with their peers for many reasons, when they want to attract the attention of an adult, play with the same toy, when they disagree on who won a game, etc. However, if we see our child teasing or hitting other children (or a particular child) for no reason, it is important to question what is happening and act immediately.
If such a situation arises in which we are sure there was no motive, it is important to try to understand what motivated the behavior. If we discover that it is a kind of rejection or aggression without clear causes, it is necessary that we talk with our son and try to find out what happened, what led him to act like this, ask him to write a letter of apology and make sure that he delivers it personally to the attacked child.
(If this behavior is repetitive, it may be necessary to see a specialist to find out what is causing our child to have these aggressive behaviors).
If we observe or report to us at school that our child is excluding a playmate, it is important to stop the situation as soon as possible and start working on developing awareness, empathy and sensitivity in him.
Here it is basically about making sure that after talking with our son the situation has stopped and has not been presented again. Even asking him to now be the one to integrate the child in question and make sure that he is not left out again because of him.
Displays of unacceptable or aggressive childish behavior
- Hitting, breaking objects when they are angry or disrespecting their parents or any authority figure
For all children (and even for us as adults) it is difficult to manage our emotions, but there are some who are very temperamental and explosive, so that when they are angry they scream, hit those close to them and even break objects that generate their anger . These behaviors are not acceptable and we must work on them as soon as they appear.
The consequence depends on the age of the child and the intensity of the event. It is essential to wait until he is calm to talk to him and analyze the situation calmly, give him strategies to manage anger the next times he faces a similar situation, such as taking time out, breathing, saying how he feels, etc. as well as defining a relevant consequence for him, such as losing some privilege that he enjoys a lot for a while (until these situations stop occurring).
For the elderly it is possible to establish a way to restore what they broke by allocating a part of their savings or defining some work at home that generates a “symbolic income” to cover the cost. In any case, the important thing is that the severity of these behaviors is highlighted so that the next times they are able to self-regulate and have less intense reactions.
- Behaviors that have to do with your body image
With this type of behavior we refer, for example, to eating with an open mouth, coughing in front of others without covering the mouth, sucking on clothes, putting hands continuously to the nose, etc. These behaviors, although they do not seek to harm or generate discomfort in the other in a conscious way, they do bring with them rejection that can eventually become a difficult situation to cope with. Therefore, it is very important to solve it as soon as possible.
More than a consequence, in this case we require a significant effort first, to discover what is causing these behaviors, since it can be a matter of anxiety and in that case seek help. In any case, we must make him notice it immediately and make him aware of the negative impact that these behaviors generate on others, helping him to understand why and the possible consequences, as surely his colleagues will not want to be around.
It is important that we are clear that many of the behaviors that our children adopt may be being modeled by ourselves, so we cannot ask them to change them if we do not do it first.