Why do you lose control when you get nervous? What is behind this behavior? Discover the possible causes and ways to increase your self-control here. When I get angry I lose control.
Do you have trouble controlling your anger and you often think to yourself, “When I get angry, I lose control”? Do you tend to say the first thing that comes to your mind and then you regret it? Are you losing control? Why is this happening? What’s behind the anger you have so much trouble with?
In today’s article, we will analyze the possible causes of this loss of control. We’ll tell you how this relates to poor control and low frustration tolerance. However, these are not the only reasons. There is also a layer of sadness underneath all of this that we don’t know how to face, as well as other possible feelings and emotions.
Before we get into these reasons, we are giving you some tips to help you manage your anger in a healthy way, because self-control is a skill that you can train!
When I get angry, I lose control: what’s wrong with me?
When some people get angry, they completely lose control. They feel their anger overwhelms them. But why is this the case? What’s wrong with them? What is behind this unbridled anger?
To understand this, we must first turn to the concept of “self-control”. Later we will also see other factors that cause you to lose self-control, circumstances that make you more likely to become impulsive.
The importance of self-control
Self-control is defined as the ability to control one’s emotions, behaviors, thoughts and desires. It also includes the ability to control and manage your own body.
In a way, self-control is part of our emotional intelligence, which is why it is so important to work on it with children from an early age. Through self-control, you can learn to deal with anger and other underlying emotions.
As you can see, self-control is the ability to manage and control not only how you behave, but also how you think and how you react to emotions. Often times, emotions can overwhelm you, but that doesn’t mean you should allow yourself to lose control of the situation.
Self-control, like many other skills, is something you can train and improve with time, perseverance, and effort.
How to work on self-control?
Self-control will allow you to deal with moments of tantrum or anger when you start shouting or displaying behaviors that you don’t really want to experience. But how can you put it into practice? Here are some key ideas to help you:
- First, define exactly what you want to control. Do you mean anger? Rage? Is it frustration?
- Investigate the causes of anger and rage. Is it really anger or are you masking other emotions (such as sadness)?
- Look for the point of “no return“. This is where you know you will lose your composure, lose control, and “explode”. Identify it and look for another way to stop it in time.
- Practice breathing. Once you have identified the point of no return, do some breathing exercises. Close your eyes, place your hand on your stomach, and feel the air flow into and out of your body.
- Look for alternatives to anger to avoid being controlled by it. These can be the breathing exercises we’ve already mentioned, or other activities you can take. Maybe listening to music, relaxing, painting, drawing, writing down your feelings or going for a walk will help you?
Why am I acting this way?
We’ve outlined some ideas on how to work on self-control and manage your anger in a healthy way. However, at the same time as we use these techniques, it is important to understand what is happening to you. Why do you act this way when you get nervous?
Poor self-control causes you to act this way, lose your grip on the situation, and get consumed with anger. On the other hand, there may also be a low tolerance to frustration behind these behaviors. Being impulsive and temperamental can also contribute to this type of situation.
The good news is that all circumstances can be worked out in therapy. Digging into why this “loss of control” occurs when you get angry will allow you to look for strategies that will strengthen your self-control. As a result, you will also improve your well-being.
The wound behind anger
Sometimes there is a wound behind anger and rage. A situation may open it, or a person may inadvertently hit a wounded nerve. Anger, rage, and anger are emotions that often obscure others, such as sadness or disappointment.
Without knowing how to face or deal with this sadness (you may not be able to accept it), we turn to something more internal: anger. We do this to distract from these uncomfortable feelings.
What happens when you don’t deal well with your anger? You explode. Therefore, if you often lose control and say things that you later regret, we encourage you to ask for help.
Understanding your own emotions and why they occur will help you get to know yourself better. You will then know why it is that “when I get angry, I lose control of myself.” Despite your imperfections, you will be a better person with each passing day. Learn to live with it, use these techniques to improve yourself, and don’t try to ignore your emotions.